


A Primer on North Dakota from a Real North Dakotan

by orphan_account



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen, Meta, North Dakota
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-29 09:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10850958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin.





	1. Population and Demographics

**Author's Note:**

> Mass media, including Sunny, gets everything wrong so I'm here to lend a hand. I have lived and worked in the state in multiple different locations and my parents also have lived and worked in the state in multiple different locations. I also currently do sociological research about the people who live there.
> 
> I'm currently in crunch time at school and work so this will be uploaded in sections when I have the brain space to come up with them. Also, I think it being a multi-chaptered work will make stuff easier to find. I'm open to requests for various sections and sources- leave them in the comments.

North Dakota is a medium sized state with a population of about 750,000 people. This population is not spread evenly across the state. There are about four cities where most of the people are (in descending order from largest to smallest): Fargo, Grand Forks, Bismarck, and Minot. Three of four of these cities have respectable state universities: Minot State University (Minot), University of North Dakota (Grand Forks), and North Dakota State University (Fargo). Bismarck is the state capital; it is where legislation occurs and where many government agencies reside. Bismarck does not have any state universities, but it does have a college and it has some private schools, the most well-known being the University of Mary.

The rest of the population is scattered in rural pockets across the state. There are four Native American reservations in the state that are fairly isolated from the rest of the population. Wikipedia will tell you that there are technically five but Lake Traverse Indian Reservation really is for the most part in South Dakota. The place where NoDAPL occurred is in southern North Dakota, just along the border between North and South Dakota.

There was a huge influx in population in western North Dakota after around 2009 because there was an oil boom that occurred in the Bakken on the western side of the state. In comparison to the size of the cities in North Dakota or like the population of a city on the east coast, the population influx wasn’t huge. However, it massively stretched the infrastructure, brought a lot of crime, hiked up drug usage, and had many other lasting effects on western North Dakota and on the city of Minot as well. The boom is currently in a bust; I will probably not talk about the politics of the oil boom here, but if you’re curious, leave a comment and I will consider it.

Most North Dakotans have Scandinavian or German heritage. This is very important to them. Minot has a festival called the Norsk Hostfest each year that celebrates Scandanavian heritage. They bring in performers from all over the world. A lot of North Dakotans have last names that are hard to pronounce to English speakers. Some North Daktoans, especially from rural areas, still grow up speaking German at home. A lot of people, especially the women, are extremely blonde, like stereotypically Scandanavian looking. I actually kind of laugh when people describe Dennis as blonde in fanfiction, because that is not blonde hair as I grew up knowing it.

Most of North Dakota’s population is white, but this does not mean there are no people of color in North Dakota. Most of the people of color reside in the university cities as international students or on Native American reservations. People of color also often migrate to Air Force Bases in the state, or they sometimes come to North Dakota for work opportunities. The latter has happened a lot in North Dakota in the Bakken and Minot region in the past near-decade.

ETA May 14, 2017: I'm really not happy with this final paragraph because I do think it's a bit reductive. Immigrants and refugees come to the state as well in significant numbers relative to the population. Here are some links about these populations. I realize it is insufficient but North Dakota is pretty bad about race stuff because the populations are pretty small and also like. . .racism.

General

https://www.cityoffargo.com/attachments/d2c29b71-bd49-42e8-8584-af112774a7ab/About_Race.pdf

http://www.ndcompass.org/disparities/key-measures.php?km=native-american-reservation-area#0-10098-g

http://www.ndcompass.org/demographics/key-measures.php?km=race#0-6977-g

http://www.ndcompass.org/disparities/key-measures.php?km=race#0-9752-g

https://www.ndhealth.gov/HealthData/CommunityHealthProfiles/American%20Indian%20Community%20Profile.pdf

http://indianaffairs.nd.gov/image/cache/NDIAC_Facts_and_Profiles.pdf

American Indian Tribes

http://www.swo-nsn.gov/

http://www.spiritlakenation.com/

http://standingrock.org/

http://www.mhanation.com/

http://tmbci.org/


	2. A Very Brief Cross-Country Primer

RCG got it wrong when they said you could fly straight from Philadelphia to North Dakota. You cannot. North Dakotan airports only accept planes from a select few cities. If you wanted to fly from Philadelphia to North Dakota, you would always have a layover in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I actually thought for a little while that the Hector International Airport in Fargo accepted planes straight from Philadelphia because I had never flown directly from that airport (only from the Minot International Airport) but I was incorrect. You still have to have a layover in Minneapolis from the Hector International Airport too.

I know that Google Maps will tell you the drive from Philadelphia to Fargo is 20 hours but they’re a fucking liar. This does not account for the traffic outside of Philadelphia, Chicago, or Minneapolis as well as tolls, clogged highways, bathroom breaks, food breaks, banging chicks, etc. If Dennis starts his day driving out of Philadelphia, he’s going to be exhausted by the time he gets to Ohio.

Another thing for people who have never driven long distances before – it is exhausting. Eight hours on the road is almost unbearable by the eighth hour. If Dennis drives, it’s going to take him a minimum of three days to get where he is going. Probably it will take him four or five, especially as his well-documented road rage will tire him out.

I could probably spend about seven years talking about traveling cross-country, but as this is a North Dakota primer I will restrain myself. If you have any specific requests on costs, rest stops, the general experience of driving cross country, feel free to hit me up in the comments and I will consider adding another chapter addressing those questions.


	3. Highway Travel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transportation in North Dakota is pretty unique in many ways so. . .yeah I will be going on about it for a few chapters.

I briefly covered the layout of the state in chapter 1, but we are going to go into more detail here. The way the state of North Dakota is laid out is much different than the way a lot of the nation is laid out. The terms ‘town’ and ‘city’ have a different meaning. Basically, what I mean is that there are few contiguous borders between one hub of civilization and the next. On the east coast, for example, one town blends seamlessly into the next. You may need to go to Target in the next town over, and it will take you five or ten minutes. This is not the case in North Dakota. Hubs of human activity are split between wide swaths of farmland. In the summertime, there really are rolling waves of grain as well as enormous sunflowers lining the sides of the road. In the wintertime, it’s fucking freezing and if you choose the wrong highway driving from western North Dakota to eastern North Dakota (LOOKING AT YOU US-52 EAST GO FUCK YOURSELF) you’re going to pray for no black ice and for high winds to not blow you off the roads.

(In all seriousness if you ever are driving from Minot to Fargo you should take the US-2 East and 1-29 South route. It will tell you that US-52 AND I-94 is eight minutes faster but you will get more bathroom breaks and better coffee at the former route + the former is a two-lane freeway to hell and the latter route is a one-way highway with two lanes SERIOUSLY THE EIGHT MINUTES ISN’T WORTH IT.)

However, going off the former rant that is 100% based on real-life suffering, if you really want Dennis to suffer like I do then yeah you should put him on US-52 East because it would be delicious. Sure, Dennis, save yourself those eight minutes. Totally worth the 800 years it will take off of your life.

It takes around six or seven hours to drive through the entire state, provided there is no inclement weather, you drive really fast, and you take no breaks. MapQuest will tell you five and it’s a fucking liar. In reality, you will probably want to take bathroom breaks, you’re going to have to slow down in cities and towns, and there may be ice.

Highway driving has roads that are usually clear, and sometimes you cannot see another car for miles. You will encounter many tanker trucks and driving past them is really not fun, especially in windy weather, because they are enormous. If you’re driving across the state, you will generally encounter a place to conveniently take a bathroom break off the side of the highway about once every forty minutes to once every hour and a half. Many towns on a map do not border the highway, so even though google maps will claim there is civilization there, they are a fucking liar.

It is not uncommon to get stuck behind a tractor or combine on the highway. These machines drive about 0 mph and sometimes take up the entire highway. This is another rich opportunity for Dennis to blow a gasket.

Depending on where Dennis lives, he will either go on the highway a lot or not very much. If he lives out in the country, he will take the highway a lot to get to a city or town to buy groceries. If he lives in a city/micropolitan area (such as Rugby, Devil’s Lake, Jamestown, or Williston – more on this later) then he will probably just go on the highway to visit other towns occasionally.

Road construction is also extremely annoying in the summertime. It blocks off massive portions of the highway and generally makes driving on it super uncomfortable. I will go into more detail on road construction in the next chapter but yeah, it’s really awful and annoying to run into road construction on the highway. On the upside, there are no tolls on North Dakota highways. I will go into more detail on that also in the next chapter.

Hit me up in the comments if you have any other questions about highways.


	4. Roads, Inclement Weather, and Road Construction

It is commonly said in North Dakota that there are two seasons: winter and road construction. It is pretty accurate; the long, icy winters often leave the towns, cities, and highways with massive potholes that need to be covered every summer. Which means that sometimes there is, of course, still ongoing construction before first snowfall. Because you can only trust North Dakota to not snow for basically a quarter of the year.

Roads are paid for by taxes. As far as I am aware, there is only one toll bridge in North Dakota and it is on the border of North Dakota and Minnesota – the Fargo-Moorhead toll bridge. It’s an easily avoidable dead end and one I have DEFINITELY never gotten stuck at *cough* number of times. Dennis will probably be surprised and pleased to not have to deal with tolls anymore.

The snow removal system, particularly in the cities and micropolitan (a term I will explain in my section on landscape and geography but essentially almost-cities) areas is extremely efficient. It is not like the south or even the east coast where snowfall or potential snowfall shuts down everything. Unless there is so much snow that you physically cannot leave your house, you will be expected to go to school and work. There are very few snow days in North Dakota, and they only happen under severe blizzard conditions.

Snow removal is not as efficient in small towns with a lot of dirt roads. If you live in a rural area, you are still expected to go to school and work in cities or towns. I am not intimately familiar with living in a very rural area, but I do know that many people have their own like miniature snow removal machines they ride around in as well as personal snowblowers. I grew up in one of the cities and we lived in a cul-de-sac that was always one of the last to get ploughed so our neighbor had his own snow machine and we, of course, had our own snowblower. Which always seemed to choke on snow every year. Good opportunity to put Dennis in the Suffering Zone.

My neighbor had this: <http://blog.northsidetoolrental.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/How-to-grade-a-yard-Bobcat-Northside-Tool-Rental.gif>

Just because snow removal is efficient does not mean the roads are necessarily safe everywhere. Black ice (patches of ice that look the same as the road surrounding it) can be all too common reasons for car accidents. People also drive like idiots in inclement weather because they think they are invincible. Like, you probably shouldn’t be going 40 mph when the wind is 30 mph but yanno people still do it anyway. Everybody’s gotta get somewhere.

Having said this, drivers in North Dakota often do not drive as crazy as they do elsewhere. Within city and town limits, the general speed limit is around 30 mph. People aren’t going to honk at you as often for driving stupid as they might elsewhere, and the traffic in general just isn’t as bad even in the cities. Because of this you’re a lot more likely to get ticketed for speeding than you might be on the east or west coast. You’ll stick out if you’re going way too fast, especially during the time of the month when the police are trying to fill quotas.

The four largest cities – Minot, Bismarck, Grand Forks, and Fargo – all run on the grid system when it comes to urban planning. There are corners of each of those that have weird cutesy street names like ‘Cherry Street’ or whatever but the majority of those cities are planned out with numbered streets and avenues. I know this is not what a lot of people who live elsewhere are used to because in places where it is mainly towns that all run into each other, you get a lot of named roads based on the developer. That is uncommon in the North Dakotan cities.

Since I’m pretty sure the location Dennis is supposed to be in is Fargo, I’m going to dedicate the next chapter to Fargo roads, driving, and inclement weather specifically. I lived there and it’s a pretty unique city in the way that it’s laid out. If you have any other questions about general driving in North Dakota, feel free to leave a question in the comments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone following this, I am sorry I keep breaking up stuff so much. This is fun but I got other stuff going on too.


	5. Q&A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to marcistahl for the questions :)
> 
> Note: I realized looking back at chapter 1 that I was a bit reductive when talking about the population dynamics between white persons and people of color in the state. I have added some information about racial dynamics and American Indian tribes to chapter 1. I know the information is limited but I hope it is useful if you need it.

This is a Q&A based on some comments left by marcistahl.

_What is Devil’s Lake like?_

Devil’s Lake is a town in central-eastern North Dakota. It’s called Devil’s Lake because the town. . .is on a lake. I don’t really know the history of the ‘Devil’ part but you can find a lot of wonderful information in the town’s website here: <http://www.devilslakend.com/>

_How can I get detailed information about other towns of import in North Dakota?_

Here is a list of some towns/cities that may be of interest to you.

 **Fargo, North Dakota** : Largest city in North Dakota. Far south-eastern North Dakota. Home to the most businesses, the largest gay community, North Dakota State University, a decent night life, and most of the traveling performances (like pop stars and stuff). It’s the most liberal city you’re going to get. I am pretty sure that’s where Dennis was supposed to have gotten off the plane. It is closely connected to a Minnesota community called Moorhead which is right across the river. Very prone to seasonal flooding.

<http://www.cityoffargo.com/>

<http://www.fargomoorhead.org/>

**Grand Forks, North Dakota** : Second-largest city. East-central North Dakota. About 45 minutes to an hour from Fargo. Home to the University of North Dakota. Significant gay community; I will talk about this later.

<http://www.grandforksgov.com/>

<https://www.visitgrandforks.com/>

**Bismarck, North Dakota** : Third-largest city. Home to the state capital, the legislature, and a bunch of government agencies (like the Department of Health). Significant gay community; I will discuss this later.

<http://www.bismarcknd.gov/>

**Minot, North Dakota** : Fourth-largest city. West-central North Dakota. Right in the middle of a huge population boom because of oil. Home to the North Dakota State Fair and the Norsk Hostfest. Minot State University is here as is the Minot Air Force Base. Had a huge flood in 2011 and is still recovering.

<http://www.minotnd.org/>

<http://visitminot.org/>

<https://ndstatefair.com>

**Jamestown, North Dakota** : Technically a city in North Dakota. It is very small.

<http://www.jamestownnd.org/>

<http://discoverjamestownnd.com/>

**Rugby, North Dakota** : The geographical center of North America.

<http://www.cityofrugbynd.com/>

<http://www.rugbynorthdakota.com/>

**Medora, North Dakota** : A popular tourist destination in western North Dakota. Home to the Medora musical and nestled in Theodore Roosevelt National Park.

<http://medora.com/>

_What is the topography/geography of North Dakota?_

http://ndstudies.gov/gr8/sites/default/files/zoomImages/Unit2Lesson1Topic1/Map-1-optimized.jpg

Map 1: North Dakota has three distinct regions based on geography and soil. The Red River Valley is flat with good soil and little drainage. The Drift Prairie is characterized by small ponds, and hills, and rocky soil. The Missouri Plateau is the highest land in North Dakota. The Missouri River, White Butte (the highest point in the state), and the badlands are located within the Missouri Plateau. Map by Cassie Theurer.

IN LAYMAN’S TERMS ok so eastern North Dakota is super flat because it used to be under a lake, western North Dakota is very hilly because it was. . .not. . .and WAY south western North Dakota has the Black Hills which are almost kind of mountains. There are a lot of farms between cities/towns. A lot of flooding occurs in the winter because of all those rivers.

_What is the flora/fauna of North Dakota?_

I am not an expert on North Dakota wildlife. However, I did used to live in a house with a really big backyard so a lot of animals liked to make their home there. For birds, it was typical to see Canada Geese, Turkeys, native songbirds, pheasants, and grackles. There are white-tailed deer all over the place – I actually literally had one jump right in front of my car in the middle of a city one day. Rabbits and squirrels are common. Coyotes are out in the country. Hunting is super big there and typically people will hunt deer and pheasant when they are in season.

In terms of plants – there are both deciduous and evergreen trees planted in towns/cities but in the wide stretches of open prairie there are like no trees. You can see for like miles and miles around. There are a lot of wetland systems on the prairie during the rainy season. A lot of tall grass and native wildflowers. There are lakes and people like to visit them a lot during the summer. Lake houses are really common – I will discuss that in more detail later.

_Is it possible for Dennis to hitchhike to North Dakota?_

I would say. . .possibly between the months of the end of May and the beginning of October. I am not hugely knowledgeable about hitchhiking culture in the United States, but those four/five months are the only point in time that Dennis almost definitely would not die. It’s not uncommon for there to be a blizzard in October, nor is it uncommon for it to snow in May.

In terms of plausibility. . .people are extremely friendly once you cross over into Wisconsin. Before then, your interactions with people are going to be hugely variable. However, I definitely could see Dennis getting picked up by a trucker like he did in “The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods” as it’s very common to see those trucks traveling cross-country on the highway.

Hitchhiking I could see Dennis getting to Fargo, North Dakota in no less than six days. Driving on his own, I think he could probably make it in four.

_Are the highways named by their numbers?_

Typically, they are. I have seen highways close to cities have joint-names like if they are turning into a named street in the city but for the most part the highways are numbered e.g. US-52E. Colloquially, people will often just call them by their numbers i.e. “Go east on 52 for about 60 miles.”

The number is just basically what highway it is. Then you can have N, W, E, S which are cardinal directions (north, south, east, west). This is done because there are split highways so you can have like 52 going one way and then a sort of median between and then 52 going the opposite direction.

I actually learned something today which is the difference between I and US in the highway naming system. Here is a fascinating discussion on the history of this naming convention: <https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-a-US-highway-and-an-interstate-highway>

_What are the markers on the side of the road with the numbers on them?_

Those are called mile markers. When you’re driving, you’re supposed to pay attention to them each time you pass one. This way, if your car breaks down you can figure out the approximate mile you are on so you can tell someone where you are when you call for help.


End file.
